I am the Owner of a Horse Head Lamp

When I graduated from college a few years ago, I did not have many possessions. I owned a small television and a few game consoles. I owned my PC and a 25lb monitor. I also owned a rickety twin bed, but little else in the way of furnishing. It was late ’06 when Tom and I moved out to Chelsea, MA. To congratulate me on my first bachelor pad, my cousin Neil gave me a gift. Back when he was starting out as a bachelor he was given a lamp. A very special lamp. And now he is passing this very special lamp down to me. It is a Horse Head lamp.

I lovingly placed Horse Head Lamp in my bedroom, as it had poor lighting to begin with. The problem in doing so is that the Horse Head lamp would glare at me all night long. I would often awake in the middle of the night to two vacant horse eye’s glaring at me, hovering over a sinister horse smile.

I would like to sell it on eBay.

Description

DIMENSIONS: Bigger than a bread basket, but smaller than a basketball hoop.

MATERIALS: The Horse Head Lamp appears to be made from wood, though who am I to say it is not made of valuable gold or platinum? It very well might be. I wouldn’t know though, because I am not a scientist.

PREVIOUS OWNERS: The most recent owner would be myself. Just so you know, I am a kind and caring man, though I have a rough exterior that can be hard to crack. The previous owner before me was my cousin, who is loud and boisterous and quite often the “life of the party.” The following people may or may not have owned the lamp previous: Elvis Presley, Heath Ledger, Alan Moore, Oprah, or Dan Castellaneta.

Perhaps the next previous owner could BE YOU??

MAKES FOR A GREAT: Birthday gift. Wedding Present. Nightmare induction.

It is possible that the Horse Head Lamp:

• was made by a famous artist
• IS a famous artist
• was once owned by a famous person
• is possessed
• is haunted
• requires 100 watt bulbs (or lower)
• is nightmare incarnate

However!

I will never be able to part with this Horsehead Lamp … because I have accidentally broken the lamp into several pieces.

Whoops,
-HP-