It goes without saying there are definitely some unusual things on the internet, but real life certainly has it’s fair share of craziness. After my run-ins with the Harrelson & Son Office Resource Zine and The NEW Annoying Zine, I thought that my dealings with homemade magazines were over. I guess I was wrong. Enter ZineCon Fest 2009.

I was walking past the Convention Center over by Mass Ave and I noticed a sign in front of it. It read:

Boston 6th Annual ZineCon Fest.
At Kinkos, turn left at Hynes Convention Center (walk approx. 230 feet.)

I decided to check it out.

It was a pretty small turn out. A few dozen or so people, crammed into this little shop. There were no booths, it was just fold out tables with papers piled on top of them. I decided that for your viewing pleasure I would grab a few zines and transcribe them for you. I hope you enjoy them!

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re:BUTTal: The Daily Trail and Tribulations of my butt

Issue # 67 date: //MMIX//03//10//1710
by Steve

Story of the Week

Worked out my glutes for 3 hours yesterday. Started with some one legged cable kick backs at home and then I jogged to the park and did some step ups off a bench. Was walking down the street and I heard a fairly fine Hispanic woman whisper to her unattractive, short, fat friend that I have a “mighty fine ass.” I smiled a little harder and did some walking lunges so she could see my butt in action. I got caught up in counting my steps but I think she was totally impressed.

Butt Spotters

Here are some people I caught looking at my butt:

• Old lady in front of the Super Stop & Shop
• Bespectacled child in park
• Couple of gay dudes at Loews (I DO NOT DISCRIMINATE)
• Mother of two buying shoes at Payless Shoestore
• 35 y.o. autistic lady who bagged my groceries
• An entire sorority.
• Hot jailbait Subway employee
• Overweight lady manager at Subway
• A bus driver
• Hot babe on the street

Touch my Butt

Here are some reasons to touch my butt:

1. It is well sculpted.
2. It is toned.
3. It is fit.
4. Some parts are soft.
5. Some parts are rock hard.
6. I can flex my butt.
7. I have never tried this, but I am fairly certain I could crack a walnut between but butt checks.
8. I shave my butt twice a day, so it is as smooth as the day I was born.
9. I only use the finest lotions on my butt, so it is glossy and smooth.
10. I work out my butt about 60 hours a week.
11. Movie star Bruce Willis once walked by and brushed against my butt, so by grabbing my butt you are grabbing Bruce Willis.

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Things My Cats Did This Week

Vol. 3 Issue 6
by Peggy

Hello and welcome back. It’s been cold out, so the kitties are keeping warm! Last week Mitzikens ate a spider and I was very worried about her. She has not meowed or purred in 72 hours. I hope she is okay. Fans of Mitzikens, please send your prays. You may send your prays to iCanHazEmales@AOL.com.

Monday

• I tried to put a muffin on Fluffers’s tummy to take a picture to submit to www.stuffonmycat.com, but he rolled over. I guess my cat does not want stuff on him!
• Around noon Mitzikens took a nap. She seemed to dream, perhaps of spiders!!! o___O
• Don Paws chased his tail momentarily at about 2:30pm.

Tuesday

• Mufflewuffles threw up a hairball at 5:00 this morning in my slipper!! YUCK!!!
• Fluffers purred for exactly 15 minutes today!
• I dropped some chicken on the floor “by accident” -___^ and Pouncer pounced on it. He sure lives up to his namesake!!!!
• Thought of new LOLcat macro caption! “I can resiprikate luvs!” I took pictures of Fluffy, Mufflewuffles, AND Mitzikens! Time to see who the model is in the family!!

Wednesday

• Slobodan Meowsevic chased a mouse, but when he finally caught up to it he was too startled to do anything and he ran away!!!
• Pouncer curled up in a sunny spot in my den. It was so adorable I screamed! ^___^
• Mitzikens clawed at our couch and then looked at me as if to say “Whaaat did IIIiiii dooo?” It was so cute I forgave her!!
• Pouncer pounced on my hand and gave me a nick! I scolded him and set him in the cage for a time out X__o;;;

Thursday

• Got the photographs of the Fluffy, Mufflewuffles, and Mitzikens for my LOLcat and BOTH Mufflewuffles and Fluffy were blinking!! ‘_’
• Don Paws was grumpy-yumpy and he growled and hissed all day! He even got in a fight with Slobodan Meowsevic. There were NO winners. *__o;;;
• I switched the kitties cat foods from diet to diet PLUS, which includes an anti-hair ball formulas! I will report on the results TOMORROW! (> ‘_’)>

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The Zen of Pizza

Book II, Chapter I
by AlphaZenLog

1. The Pizza is perfection. A circle – it has no beginning nor has it an end.
2. A Pizza’s warmth is like a warm embrace.
3. Pizza is not guilty.
4. Pizza was created to be shared.
5. To deny Pizza is to deny the Earth’s cooperative efforts.
6. See how the Pizza can represent the World as it should be. One simple template, infinite possibilities.

Zen Pizza of the Week

This week we are going to look into Carmine Pizza. No one knows who invented it, though it was made famous by the Italians in 1854. It has a soft texture and a sweet, inviting odor. On the surface it is a little much to look at, but what people take for granted is how well the caramelized onions play off the mozzarella cheese to lift one’s aura. Every bite near literally envelopes you in a dance of  sweetness, but it keeps you grounded with the Earthy flavors of the chunky tomato sauce.

Nutrition: 3/5
Healing properties: 5/5
Smile factor: 4/5

Recipe on the following page …>

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I ever tried recreating ZSN into a paper ‘zine to fit in with these guys, but I don’t think it was very popular.

-HP-