I’m sure many of you Patriots are at home with your families. I remember as a child, I would spend every Thanksgiving with my grandparents. Actually, I still do! I’d sit down and listen to my Grandpa H’s stories and enjoy a scrumptious turkey meal cooked by Grandma P. I always had such a great time – but then Grandma P would go and say something like
“Eat your carrots, HP, then you’ll be able to see through walls like Superman!”
I call bullshit right there. If this were true, rabbits could see EVERYTHING.
Grandma Says – “You should drink 8 glasses of water a day.”
Grandma Truth – This isn’t exclusive to old people, but it’s pretty dumb any how. That’s almost a 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola. No thanks, I don’t like peeing every 5 minutes.
Grandma Says – “If you cross your eyes they’ll stay like that!”
Grandma Truth – I just Wiki’d “the eye” and no where in the article did it mention this could happen. Take that Grandma.
Grandma Says – “Don’t watch TV in the dark, it’ll will hurt your eyes.”
Grandma Truth – Silly old people, scared of new technology. Better strap on that lead codpiece so the microwave doesn’t fry your junk! Watching TV in the dark is no worse for you than having any other light source in the room. It may make your eyes tired, but it won’t damage them. Stop your shenanigans, Granny.
Grandma Says – “Stay dry or you’ll catch your death of cold.”
Grandma Truth – I know that colds were scary back in your day, Grandma, when they killed of 25% of the village population and 45% of the livestock, but we have things now that can help with that. They’re called oranges. Go eat one.
Grandma Says – “Finish your dinner, there are starving children in Africa who would kill for this food.”
Grandma Truth – No one wants your dry ass meatloaf. Okay. If you think they’ll be so grateful, just ship your cabbage and carrots over to Africa, see who thanks you. It’ll be me.
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