Know News is Bad News Part Duece
Continuing last weeks news related rants, I want to call to attention that last week a Texas lawmaker decided that he wanted to open hunting to the blind.
This is quite possibly the greatest idea ever, in the history of mankind. Ever. Better than sliced bread or rocks. It finally will even out the playing field for the animals, who I am sure tire of having to duke it out with hunters who carry AK47s and hand grenades. Now the animals, such as the Wild Striped Moose, native to Texas' vast forests, can (and will) just throw rocks at the blind person from a safe distance, mocking them until they break down, tears running from their worthless, dead eyes.
I bet you're wondering how the animals can beat the blinds' hyper sensitive Daredevil radar. Well, a recent study* has proven that the blind are no longer hyper aware of their surrounds as they no longer recognize noises found in nature. Most of the blinds' natural habitats were destroyed and replaced with far superior cityscapes, so they are more receptive to annoying chirping noises found at crosswalks than to anything found in the wild.
*This study was done by Chris HP, using the proven method of closing his eyes and thinking really hard about being blind.
Site updatery!
If you haven't visited in a while, I'm sure you notice the huge visual overhaul. Welcome to Zero Shared Nickels v2.1. The numbers mean it's better. The list of site changes can be found in the last post, so if you care to, just scroll down and have a looksy.
Special thanks to: Adrian, for the awesome sidebar archive links. Travis, for some helpful quality control. Ethan, for further encouraging bad habits and pushing Meg to buy some bad porn. Tom, for not killing himself at work yet and lending me bus money. Danny, for spamming the comments to keep the conversations going. Cait, for sending us an Xmas card. And Mike, because everything he does, he does for Cornshoe!
I'm cubicool.
-HP-
35 Comments to "Know News is Bad News Part Duece"
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The Did You Knows
Did you know it’s racist to feed dog food and spaghetti to black firemen?
Did you know it’s racist to feed Italians gerbil food?
Did you know it’s racist to feed Canadians anything but Canadian bacon?
Did you know it’s racist to feed Asian people oriental rugs?
Did you know it’s racist to imply that the Irish aren’t the best drinkers in the world?
Did you know it’s not racist to say anything about the Amish, because it’s not technically a race?
Did you know it’s racist to feed parts of a Jeep Cherokee to a Cherokee?
Did you know it’s racist to make black custodians clean black stains with white soap?
Did you know it’s not racist to make black comedians clean black stains with white soap?
Did you know it’s racist to feed Nigerians other Nigerians?
Did you know it’s racist to serve a Russian American vodka?
Did you know it’s racist to call Mike a “red hot?â€
Did you know it’s racist to call a Brazilian “bra-fillin’?†Sexist too.
Did you know it’s racist to refer to a dinosaur as extinct?
Did you know it’s racist to call a Swede’s penis a “Swiss Army cock”?Anyone else?
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Why don’t I get a thank you!
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Get a job!
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Choose to serve and give Cornshoe your adulation, and thanks shall be yours from all those you seek it from!
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Well, what are you waiting for??? Adulate, damn you, ADULATE!!!
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Well, Cornshoe is really only a Demigod. If he were a true god, he would not spend all his time listening to men with white cloaks. That said, I have written this post for Cornshoe, and offer him 17 coins, and 3 little red orbs. Also, he gets the next +1 stat boost.
Did you know it is racist to refer to anyone who is not American a communist? It seems to be the problem nowadays on xbox live. If they don’t have a mic, they are a communist. Upon learning so, they quit. This proves my point that no one thanked Amber because she is a Kommie-Nazi.
Also, did you it is racist to not drink everything in the fridge on New Years? Beverage or not, mustards included.
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HP I have a job! just no car and I just realized I have NO transportation to the party that is happening at your apartment…..shit
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Danny, I did know it was racist not to drink everything on New Years.
Amber, I don’t care if you have a ride, I’m not even going, so hardy har har! Also, take the MBTA train from Providence to South Station, then outbound on the red to Haymarket, then get on the 111 bus. Or call Tom.
Did you know it was racist not to offer a Romanian woman your manpenis if you pass by her on the street?
Fucking Romanians. -
Can I bum a ride off some one!
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See, Amber, this is why I had wanted LJ to come, becuase she could have given you a ride. Now we have to figure something out. Hm…
Chris actually makes an excellent point, except that the Red Line does, in fact, not pass through Haymarket. Orange does, which you can catch at Back Bay. In any case, the important part is that you should be brought to the train station in Providence, and sent up on the Commuter Rail. And then I can meet you, as I have a number of other friends that will be doing the same thing that day. Or Megan can meet you, if you come up early enough.
Also, it’s racist to put Irish symbols (4-leaf clovers) into Japanese gaming consoles.
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I forgot the park street to green line step. It was late or dark or I was busy when I wrote that.
Did you know it’s racist to admit that Slovakians like to eat the soles of boots?
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Did you know that it is racist to try to bum rides off people? Cabs are available to everyone, even if the fare will cost $700.
Anyway, I say we pay for Amber’s train ride to Canada. It’s a 2 week trip, and if we only pay one way, it will take her at leasr 10 years to afford a trip back since she does not know what a job is.
Guiness is awesome,
Guiness is great.
Goes good with whiskey-
It couldn’t be fate?Also, did you know it is racist to not even mention Ghandi when you talk about the wars between the cowboys and indians? I mean, Ghandi was quite an influential one.
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Also, your ZSN store link is either broken, or there is no store.
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Also also, I will buy all the liquor for Tom’s party if Amber goes 1 month without posting. This includes all of her alternate mispelled identities.
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If you read the post, you’d see that the ZSN store link isn’t activate yet. It’s either this week or last week i mentioned that. Also, I didn’t steal the whole “eat my twin” scenario, my mother had two zygotes in here when I was in the womb, then one disappeared. I survived.
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Also I have one posting Identity Dan ….I think the others are you….If you let me bum a ride I’ll pay for your booze….
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No, you’ve posted at Christopher Reeve’s family member earlier. Also, giving you a ride to Chelsea on New YEars is stupid. Not worth 2 hrs of driving to get free booze.
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I was Reeve’s family member! Don’t give her credit for my work! And the / appear in the name because of a glitch with WordPress. Boner.
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I’m not sure why one would take credit for such a response. That is sad. You are hereby the designated driver NEw Years eve, and we’re not even driving anywhere. But you have to be sober.
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maybe you should stay sober danny just for being cripple and for being you!
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By the way Chris I love that cartoon! Very clever and very cool!
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Cornshoe applauds your plebien efforts, and as it’s high priest, I must say; an appraisal by Cornshoe, good or ill, is worth offering up your life itself for sacrifice.
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Oh, Amber. You have just opened a door into a world I had hoped you wouldn’t crash land in.
Let me just say: welcome to it. And I hope you have plenty of eye-bleach handy.
You’re gonna need it.
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or you can be a good kid and we won’t have to worry now will we!!!!
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Chris, we have been invited to my friend’s girlfriends minimansion in Cape Cod for New Years. We have been offered transportation in the form of a Jeep Gran Cherokee driven by John. If you would like to bring in the New Year at a place you don’t care about making a mess, let me know and I shall add you to the drinkings list they are formatting.
Also, Merry Christmas to all! Especially the Jews! They need Christmas more than others. On the other hand, Festivus is a good one too. Happy Festivus!
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maybe you should stay sober danny just for being cripple and for being you!
I don’t understand what this means. I am not “cripple”, er… crippled, and I am not A cripple either. Also, for being me? The only person who is himself on this site are everyone except myself, Chris and Mike. There is no danny, either Dan or Schneider.
Also, dressing as Santa and eating at the Avenue Grill at 3 am is awesome.
By the way, The Good Shepard was a terrible movie.
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hmm… hhhhhhhhhhwhat? I don’t want to think about this right now. So… hhwhat?
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Merry Christmas to all except the non-believers! Corn-shoe demands you convert!
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The Good Shepard wasn’t a bad movie, Danny. It just defiantly struggled to be good.
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Aw was it really that bad?…I wanted to see The Good Shepherd.
In any case I hope you all had a lovely holiday!
Also Danny, I thought you had a bum knee………..
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His knee is unstoppable! It is a roboknee now. It could kick you to New Jersey.
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I HAD a bad knee, but like Chris said, it is stonger than the entire feminist movement now. Though, that isn’t saying much, as it doesn’t take much strength to complain about your house wife duties instead of doing them. Anywho… it is stonger than ever, and better than ever, and everly betterly ever and ever.
Also, New Years is back on at Casa de Across Street From Taco Bel. So far a mindblowing 7 people are coming! DRUNKEN GAMES AWAIT! If you don’t have anywhere to go on New Years I would invite you, but then I figured there’s probably some reason that you haven’t been invited elsewhere, so no kudos.
CORN SHOE!!!
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7 People sounds like a rollicking good time to me. I mean, sure, I may have double that up here at the Sociodome that night, but it’s all good.
Have Chris pass out on both couches, in my honor.
posted under: Check This Out, WTF? | 35 comments