Man on Street Corner
Posted on September 6th, 2008 by Tom
“Hey, look at my badge - I’m black!”
Humid days are not
The type of day I can live
Through without melting
Ah, Domino’s Pizza Tracker. You are, to be sure, a welcome change of pace in an otherwise stressing day.
Sometimes, sitting and
Having dinner alone is
Very relaxing
I have one training and three interviews this week. Then 14 interviews next week.
Huzzah!
Today was a good
Way for me to start this, the
Month of September
Today, I get to help a friend move, and then I get to go to a family cookout. Today’s going to be one of those really, really long days.
Home-grilled burgers make it worth it.
I just bought a new
DVD player today
Life is better now
The only thing better than a good dinner with good beer is when it’s free.
Having no students
Makes my job really suck these
Two weeks from deep hell
I spent last night staying up until 3:30 in the morning, drinking, playing video games, and hanging around.
Oh, yeah, and we accidentally ended up with a construction sign. Whoops!
The “A” key on my
Keyboard is sticking, and it
Suck major asshole
I hate working in offices, I’m sick of jobs that don’t let me just create.
On the other hand, I like having money for rent and food.
As it turns out, you
Can customize bad-ass Chucks
Online, then wear them.
“Your life will be wonderful, because everywhere you go will be better than Tucson.”
Go see. Hamlet 2. Now.
Today is a day
That is making me very
Hyperactive. Whoo!
I’m glad that Levi’s understands the concept of a normal, simple pair of half indestructable jeans.
Makes increasing my wardrobe easier.
Four hours on the
Front desk is a long time to
Deal with morons
As of right now, I can’t comprehend words. And my eyes burn. Damn you computer glare!
Superman’s powers
Are total bullshit, and change
All willy-nilly.
Mama Mia! is actually a good movie. Go see it.
….with a date.
Gremlins 1 was a
Fantastic movie. Gremlins
2, not quite as much
“If you punch a penguin, I will kill you.” ~Guess who?
Four hours on the
Front desk is four hours much
Too long to be there
“Oh good! We can play ‘What noises will make me kill you?’ It will be like Russian Roulette, but more violent.”
Over four hundred
Sixty e-mails later
And still going strong
Today was a good day for a birthday. Especially since it ended in home-made cake.
Thank you, sweetie!
Do not water the Gremlins,
for they wreak havoc
On stupid townsfolk
I played two games of laser tag, followed by blacklight minigolf. Good times.
Sewing patches on
A shirt is a pain in the
Ass. But so worth it.
I enjoy days where I can be productive from my chair.
The library had
A picnic that was in the
Staff lounge due to rain
Sunburns suck.
Oh the other hand, a bag of chocolates can make anything better.
The beach is a fun
Place to spend a day, but I
Suck at sun screen. Hard.
A The Mummy movie without Rachel Weis isn’t really a The Mummy movie. It’s just another movie where Jet Li raises an army from the dead and tries to take over the world.
Lame.
Nerdoir will be the next big thing. Just you wait and see.
Smoothies are really
Good, especially when they
Include bananas
Oh lookie what we have here: it’s another ZSN post of awesome! Well whaddya know.
Go see!
I have a caffeine
Headache from trying to quit
Soda. Fucking hell.
I went out today, planning on enjoying the weather. I ended up with 7 books and one button.
My name is Tom, and I am a bibliophile.
You know life is great
When you can order Cheesecake
Factory online
“I wasn’t hard, but I’m more flaccid than I’ve ever been before”~HP, when his mom called during Hammered Halo
When I woke up today and checked the weather, the thunderstorm icon was set for every single hour of the day.
Groovy.
We raised our glasses
In the name of Science, and
Filmed it all for you!
HP spray-bottle
Peed out of sheer excitement
When I came back home
And, after a 5.5 hour flight, I arrive in Boston 8.5 hours after I left Oakland. Bizzare!
Congratulations
To the new happy couple!
May your lives be bright.
“Fuck you, the boat is landing!”~From a conversation with my beautiful girlfriend.
Photo Count: 453 individual photos, and 17 carefully positioned ones that will be turned into one 360° photo.
There was nearly a
Boat-tastrophe but then our
Captain steered us true
So I spent all day on a patio and then in a pool. Then there was some driving around, some Mexican food, and hanging out by a different pool.
Photo Count: 309.
And I haven’t even been to San Fransisco yet…
I went to a house
With stairs that led to ceilings
And doors to nowhere
Adorable animals from the wild include: baby sea lions, otters, Fennec Foxes, penguins, and, of course: the Bush Babies.
The Laziest Animal Ever Award goes to the lion, however.
I am surrounded
By people I just met, and
One awesome puppy
“So..is California normally this overcast? Or does it just happen to be a cloudy day?”
“Actually, that’s not clouds. That’s smoke, because the state is currently on fire.”
California here
I come, dressed to the gills in
Awesome attire
My mouse wheel is only working approximately 82% of the time. That’s not % enough for me.
Why is it that all
Of the writing jobs I find
Require Science?
I want to skip straight to the part where I’m in another state, exploring a new city and generally just totally rocking out.
I’ve seen better days
Like ones with puppy parades
And kitten cookouts
The emptiest train
Was the one that’s normally
Beyond fucking full
In honor of Independence Day, I have the most patriotic shirt I own prepared to be worn tomorrow:
Invade Canada
Got my painting framed,
A new shirt in the mail,
And a big smile.
In the next month or so, I will only have one 5 day work week. This excites me.
I wonder where it
Is that meatballs go after
They have won the derby?
We watched the Batman
Movies from the 90’s, and
They super Bat-sucked
It is now BatFriday, which means tonight, the BatParty begins. It features the 3 B’s: Batman, booze, and bfood.
I like to rock out
So loud that the woman up
Front heard me clearly
Once I stare at just enough numbers, I want to set my computer on fire, throw it at a gas station, and then maybe punch a baby or something.
This is why I’m not an accountant.
Projects are busy
Work that suck up all of my
Goofing off moments
On the way into work today, the weather changed 5 times. 5.
I crossed a street into a torrential downpour, at one point.
I went with a friend
To Hurricane O’Reilly’s
And rocked the hell out
So we went to the movie theatre to see Get Smart.
Awesome movie, but the walk between the theatre and the train was, basically a rape road in the middle of the woods. Huzzah!
I don’t want to be
Doing busy work today;
Rather burn shit down
Turns out there’s a movie theatre nearer my apartment than I thought. I love discovering new places.
Who knew that going
To Newbury Comics meant
That I’d call out “sick”?
I wonder why there have been no super villians trying to etch their names into the moon with lasers. It would make workdays like this one suck slightly less to know that such lasers existed.
Train was very late,
Stupid old woman on phone,
I will burn them all.
“Hey…what’s wrong with Jimmy? He’s walking kinda funny”
“Ah, he’s got a case of the Foot Cats”
Hulk Smash Hulk Bash, The
Incredible Hulk destroys
Everything ever.
Something about KFC, followed by The Hulk, is making me happy for the near future.
Of course, The Tudors is making me happy now.
I forgot to write
A haiku today, so it
Looks like you get this
I had a meeting I didn’t want to go to yesterday, that started an hour before my work day normally starts. Here’s what I learned:
I wonder when the
Ice Cream Man drives around, does
He condition air?
If the humidity gets any worse, I’m going to see fish swimming by my face.
At which point, I will only be wearing a bathing suit. Boston, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Hot as balls soup in
August when the sun explodes.
Today’s heat sucks ass.
This hot weather flux is confusing. Also, my pillow gave me a neck cramp.
They combined to give me a dream wherein I was a victim of one of those hard-sales things, and then took off running through the streets, eventually hopping a few fences when something like 50 salesmen descended upon me. It was weird.
If my blog was a
Person, it would be yelling:
“Get off the damn lawn!”
I had forgotten how much I love riding my bike. It’s invigorating and fun, and a hell of a great way to wake up in the morning.
At least, until I’m hit by a car and sent into a coma. But man, I’ll be wide awake for those twenty minutes.
I want to stage an “Animals are Delicious” protest. Maybe find one of those vegan protests where people are dressed up as cows, and show up carrying a cattle prod in one hand and a bottle of A1 in the other.
The new Star Wars films
Hurt my sensibilities
And are the Dark Side
A guy is trying to go to a Harvard game, but is lost in Cambridge. So he walks up to a Harvard student, and asks him “Can you tell me where the stadium is?”
The Harvard student replies, “I don’t know…I mean, you’re really not supposed to end sentences with propositions. It’s not proper English.”
So the guy says, “Okay, fine. Can you tell me where the stadium is, asshole?”
Swedish Fish have a
Delightfully chewy feel,
And they taste like red
Dear Dunkin Donuts,
Learn to have Vanilla Bean
Coolatas again
Maya Angelou kind of sounded like Mitch Hedburg when she started speaking.
But it’s cool. Her speech was awesome, and she is a funny lady.
Another six hour drive, and for what? A cookout.
Actually…that’s pretty much worth it.
Graduations have
The most boring speeches that
People can think up
I always enjoy the mountains this time of year, when they’re covered in green and the birds are out.
As opposed to the winter, when New York is a frigid wasteland.
Six hours on the road
And I wonder just where we
Think we are going
Vanilla bean drink
Sits at my right hand, and I
Headache from looking
This is, perhaps, the greatest comic on the entire Internet. Which makes it the best comic ever.
And this one’s my favorite strip.
I could make a fun
Little joke about the haiku
Number, but I won’t
Having a bike without air in the tires is sort of like going hunting without an accordion.
Chihuahuas should not
Have their own movie. But Disney
Is the Devil’s sperm.
Crickets on wheels are not very effective sources of power for computer printers.
Dunkin’ Donuts has
A free ice coffee day, and
Then ran out of ice
Foot Loops does not sound like a particularly tasty part of a complete breakfast
Ducks are the rastas
Of the bird kingdom. But geese
Are the asshole kids.
Playgrounds are a gift from God. It doesn’t matter how old you are: in the presence of swings and slides, you are a 10 year old.
Lesbocution sounds
Like a totally awesome
Way to end your life
Congrats to the Colby Sawyer kids gradumatatin’ today, especially to one Ms. Ashley G, a faithful reader and friend to the ZSN and O/I crew(s)!
The old Nintendo
64 had the greatest
Wierd shaped controllers
Icky and Bracket are the two greatest superheroes to ever exist.
The heat is a nice
Change of pace from the bitter
New England winter
So it turns out that whenever I write a haiku, my brain shuts relatively important parts of itself off. Hence, I’ll miss a word, or add extra ones, or horribly misspell something.
Good thing I have a solidly sarcastic girlfriend as my pseudo-editor.
Iron Man is a
Movie that begs that you stay
Through all the credits
While watching Iron Man, my friends envisioned a pornographic sequel to the movie, wherein he would have to have sex to recharge that glowing heart-magnet-battery thing in his chest. The movie’s name?
Iron Man 2: Man Iron
I got to drive a
U-Haul on Saturday, but
It rained while we moved
“Careful: Glass Wall” is a relatively ineffectual sign when it covers a wooden folding table. Next to a brick wall.
Heather Lachance thinks
That choosing your baby will
Turn the whole world gay
The Leopard Otter
Is a rare breed of hunter;
And king of the marsh
There is never a
Bad time for chocolate cake
Any time is good
Saki + Goldschlagger + Grenadine = The Shredder.
The Shredder can melt through plastic. Literally.
In a book world, time
Means nothing to me, as I
…Just ran out of space
I found some floppy
Disks at my house this weekend.
They are broke or blank.
Reverse nachos are
One of the single greatest
Dishes I have found
Pizza is fantastic in any form, be it round, square, or muffin.
The Toast Creation
Apparatus was told to
Save our humble world
Two men. One dream.
One list of beverages that, when combined, probably have the power to melt through walls.
Science will never know what hit it.
The Odd Couple is
A pretty good album, and
A really good play.
It’s easy to ignore a person’s flaws when you like bangin’ them.
(PS - In a general sense, not a specific one)
Dwarves in caves of gold
Will never be as cool as
Midgets with skateboards
If pain was a subject in school, my back would be majoring in it.
Harvey Dent had a
Press conference that ended
In sudden gunfire
Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends has the single most cheerful theme song in the history of American television programming.
The haiku blog has
Reached a half-century or
Something of that sort
And that would have been when I dropped to my knees and yelled “Noooooooo!”, but I was on an escalator.
In the end times, my
Tin foil ball will be a bright
Beacon for us all
If I could tie balloons to my chair and float about the office, my job would be exactly 154% better.
Metal babies fly
North of the Meridian
Line for huge cupcakes
Shitty weather on a Sunday is a poor time to choose to do laundry, when your laundry is next door.
Stupid mothers, taking up the dryers.
If I was in World
War Two they’d call me “That Guy,
Harbinger of Snacks”
Somerville, Slummerville, Sluttyville - the important part is that it’s not Chelsea.
Damn the big smelly
Turkeymonger and his wares
They smell of turnips
I wish it would rain
Marshmellows upon us all
Such tasty weather
The pissy cat and I have begun to become good friends. First, I shared my flask. I suspect she will offer me some catnip upon my next visit.
I took my flask to
An awesome birthday party
The cat loved my flask
Wordpress changed its look. I’m uncomfortable with it.
There is a painting
Called Bad Day on the High Seas
I want it right now
I was going to write about how Cap’n Crunch in a Ziploc bag alongside a bottle of blue Gatorade makes a great (and mobile!) breakfast. Then I realized that for two philosophy posts in a row, the song playing on Pandora has a title that matches up with my post for the day.
Weird.
I wanted to write
A nerd haiku about life
But instead: Peeps
Donut Donut on the wall, who is the hungriest of them all?
And why aren’t you in my stomach?
Rock the microphone
Roll in the big Cadillac
Eat your Brussel Sprouts
Easter is a time to collect your chocolate eggs that were laid by a male bunny, and get a sugar high off the high-fructose interiors.
Count me in.
Green Tea is the work
Of Beelzebub himself
Tastes like giant ass
And the wind cries “Mary!”
She probably shouldn’t have kicked the wind in the nuts.
Red pepper powder
Does not taste so hot when you
Breathe it in all night
I would like one box of magic puppies, carried on the wings of flying kittens.
Also, a laser gun.
Blue ink covering
My dreams like some sort of big
Ugly octopus
I enjoy you, but you play the same damn song too often. Play something new. Thank you.
When Samus Aran
Battles Link the Hero of
Time, we all win big
Jigglypuff is the single most useless Pokemon ever.
Squirtle rules.