I went to the chiropractor today. He is an old Jewish man. He took X-rays of my soul.

Haikus are not hard. You know something that is? It is my penis.

I want a new job, but I’m not qualified for most of them. There’s an opening at the Harvard Hiphop archive?! Better get my resume ready.

A lesbian wedding party is not as sexy as it sounds. There is pretty much no nudity. But, there is a lot of cake.

There is a war in Harvard Square. A sticker war. Who will win; Golden Stash, CL0NE, or Pink Eye?

For 2 years I have been arguing in my head with her. Two years. Maybe it’ll finally stop today.

There is no saving that Absinthe crap. Nothing makes it taste good. Fucking Swedes.

Instead of being at work, I would rather: be drinking be slapped in the balls by a large Samoan

Right now at this time I have 1984 songs in my “favorites” playlist. That’s the year I was born. That’s pretty sweet.